Thank you all for the outpouring of support and prayers since we have announced our second son! Alden and I are in awe of how God has placed so many wonderful people in our lives for this very specific time and we aren't taking any of you for granted!
I wanted to share a little about our training process to prepare for the boys. The way we will be parenting them will be very different than the way a family would parent a bio child who has formed healthy attachments, and for those of you who will be a part of our daily lives this might be a bit of a shock at first since it will be different than the way we ourselves were raised and the way you might be raising your kiddos. By the way- it is ok to ask us questions about this! We love talking about adoption!
So, I wanted to share some of the recourses we have found to be helpful for our friends and family who are going to be part of our daily lives once the boys are home, and also for those who are in the process of adoption/fostering and those who are thinking of making that leap and are looking for more information!
Last weekend, Alden and I had an all day training on trauma and how it affects the brain- mostly the adolescent brain. It was incredibly helpful! This was a free training through DSS where we are licensed foster parents. (We have delayed taking in foster kiddos since we are now pursuing our two boys overseas. Our foster community has been incredibly supportive of us and have been our biggest recourse for preparing for our boys once they are home- we love them!) This training was AMAZING! Can't stress enough how good it was! I could write a novel about how parenting a hurt child is way different than parenting a healthy child BUT others have already done that for me ;)
So, if any of you want some good reading to understand what our boys *might* be like when they come home, or if you are wanting to prepare for your own foster/adoptive kiddos, here are a few of the top books that were recommended to us at our training:
Brainstorm by Daniel J. Siegel
This one has an audio book version (yes!) and you can listen to the first bit of it on the link I posted- can't wait to listen to this book! We are becoming 'brain nerds' haha. I have NOT yet read this entire book, it has just been very highly recommended by the people who are doing our training on trauma and a lot of their training is from this book- I can say the training is VERY enlightening and helpful, so I assume this book is as well :) They also recommended Parenting From the Inside Out by Siegel.
The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis
This book has been so highly recommended to us by so many different people that we got it over the summer when we thought we were *only* doing foster care (haha!). I have started it but haven't finished yet- but I can tell it's going to be extremely helpful! Definitely a must read!
Adopted For Life by Russell D. Moore
We love this book! It's not about parenting style, really, but I had to throw it in! We read this over 2 years ago when we didn't yet know how God was wanting us to grow our family- this book was key in helping us make our decision. It is written from a Christian perspective with entire families in mind- not just for adopting couples. It's for the grandparents, siblings, friends- everyone in the lives of the adopting couple as well! Lots of great information about how God loves adoption and how all children are blessings- such a great book. Can't recommend it enough! My mom and Granny have already asked me to send them our copy :)
And for the more visual learners, Harvard has a fantastic site with short videos and scientific information (that is understandable ;) ) that illustrate childhood brain development and what happens to a child's brain if basic needs are not met or if the child is abused. Can be sad to watch and read about, but very helpful when it comes to understanding the foster/adoptive child's behaviors. The link to the site is here: http://developingchild.harvard.edu/ and the link for videos is here: http://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/multimedia/videos/ Highly recommend this site- I have spent HOURS watching videos and reading articles already and have found it all to be incredibly helpful.
And last but not least, some practical advice!
Fun To Grow On by Virginia Morin
I have not read all of this book yet, but from the parts I have read I already know we will be bringing this book with us while in country! It is full of helpful ideas and games that give you the ability to not only interact with a child, but also to promote bonding and healthy attachment with that child! The games may seem silly at first read, but to a child who has not had healthy attachments in the past, they are HUGE. The best part is a lot of these activities can be done anywhere you are- waiting in line at the grocery store, or on a long airplane flight. Even if you don't have foster/adoptive kiddos, I think this book offers lots of creative ways to help you engage with your kids or grandkids in a meaningful way. Can't wait to read the rest of this book!
What other book or web site recommendations do you have? Please let us know in the comments! :)
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